Prayer

I prayed the other day...
And it was beautiful.

It was sincere.
I was vulnerable.
I came broken.
I laid my pride aside.
Tears poured down my face when I was hurting
And laughter resounded when I was rejoicing
My face wrinkled when I was bewildered
I made a fist when I was angry
He heard what I had to say
And he listened intently
He told me that He cared
And that He would make my mess into something beautiful
He promised to take me as I am
He said I hadn't fallen too far from grace
The regret and pain remained
For there is still a lot to be fixed
But these things weren't covered by self-pity
They are now clothed in a consuming desire for forgiveness
A yearn for reconciliation
And the need to confess
When I smell defeat
I will run towards the feet of mercy
And beg for help
I will ask that He ameliorates all that I have done wrong
And then praise Him for the little that I have done right
As I cautiously hand my life over to Him
And give Him back what He already bought and owns
I finally mean it when I say,
"Not my will, but Thine"
You've won my heart.

The cries. The laughter. The yelling. The confusion. The pain. The joy.
Being exposed.

This is what real prayer has to look like.
It's fixing our eyes on the cross. It's laying every burden down.
It's being real. It's removing the mask and leaving the masquerade.
It's asking, questioning, thanking, praising.
It's listening.
And today I pray that hope will sustain.