Thistles And Weeds: Answered Prayer

Well, God surely answers prayer.
Sometimes I ask myself, “WHY did I pray for that?” But I did. And he listened. And He responded.
A few posts again I mentioned that I wanted to be able to hear God. I wanted Him to whisper to me softly or even shout like the roar of a lion. Either way, I wanted Him to get my attention…and I wanted to listen and react. On Friday night I was driving home from a Westminster event and I passed a church called the Worship Center. The outward beauty caught my attention and I quickly swerved into the parking lot, even though it was nearing 10:00 at night. I admired the structure, for it was a holy place of God! [You know how in movies, after a tragic event or when someone is suffering from depression, he will find their way into a church sanctuary…even though it is 3 am? Man, I wish that were still the case.] I saw the church service times and I felt God whispering to me to go to this service.
So, Saturday night I drove back to this church, unsure of what to expect. Usually I am apprehensive about wondering into new situations alone. But this time, I just had a deep desire to be fed the word of God and worship Him in a holy place. It was like I was invincible. After all, I was not alone- I was with a church body who gathered to worship the One who will never leave my side. I would like to say that it was coincidence that the message was entitled “Whispers from God,” but I am 100% sure that He composed these events and orchestrated them into a perfect symphony that ended in an audience of one praising His name-I was the audience of one. Yes, the very struggle that has been on my heart for three months was being preached that night…and I got there because I obeyed and listened to a WHISPER from God.

As if that’s not exciting enough, this conductor, the Author of my life, was called back on stage for an encore. I fell to my knees in the sanctuary, hands lifted high. He flooded my soul with emotions I have never experienced-REAL compassion. He offered me a cure for my depraved indifference; my apathy. As I sang songs of praise I called out to Him. I prayed that He would bring PAIN and SUFFERING and DISTRESS…when I am working outside of His will. I prayed that He would make my life so miserable when I am living in sin that I would beg for His love to envelop me once again- for it is the only remedy for my fallen estate.
I’ll just be blunt and say- when I woke up…I felt MISERABLE. Guilt. Shame. Pain. Regret. Hurt. Questions. Agony. It all returned in the blink of an eye. WHY GOD?!?! Oh wait, yeah, I asked You for this…
He’s making it clear that His love is the only thing that can wipe away the pain I feel. He’s the only one who will never leave me. He’s the only one who can love me with a perfect love.
Here I am again, God, standing at the door praying that You would let me back in. Please don’t get tired of my constant begging for new life. He daily offers grace…and I now need to learn to daily receive. Daily I need to ask Him to undo what I have become. Wipe away all my despair ONLY when I am following hard after You.

It hurts God. I know I have been asking You to rid me of my sin…but it hurts when You take chisel it all away. But I’m trusting in Your promise that You will pull me through. And now I know...that it hurts YOU more than it hurts me. How self-centered am I? God does not make junk.